Archive for May, 2004

  • Rob Spectre
  • 31
  • May
  • 04

Screw you hippies! We didn’t want your goddamned crackers anyway.

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  • Rob Spectre
  • 30
  • May
  • 04

Having successfully made it through the addictive qualities of Star Wars Galaxies, I thought for sure I could handle the black tar heroin equivalent of the card-based role-playing world without getting sucked into a Booster pack buying bender from which there is no escape save through outrageous overdrafting and a severe shortage of shoeboxes. Sadly, however, T-dub is a bit of a pusher, hooking me up with a dose of Vampire: The Eternal Struggle, but as with all hard narcotics, the first one’s always free.

First of all, this game is not like Magic, which soaked up the better part of my disposable income between 1994-1998. It’s worse. Where Magic: The Gathering had a finite number of ways to best your competitor (all of which could be accomplished in the space of a half hour), V:TES takes a timesink of 4 hours just to get warmed up. With nearly infinite ways to declare victory with political, combat, and direct damage decks derisively referred to as “newbie” approaches, this game is CCG’s answer to the female orgasm; mysterious, unnecessarily complex, and mind-shatteringly satisfying.

After getting me thoroughly indoctrinated in the guilty pleasures of bleeding and tapping, he brought me primetime to a tournament down in Newport for the latest Gehenna expansion of the game. Held at The Annex comic book shop, we uncovered Nerd Central in the southern part of the state. In my youth (or whatever that period before my current state of adolescence was), I was well acquainted with the sorts of twisted etiquette that governed such dark places as these.

1) Never say please or thank you.

2) The slice is edible after the first drop only.

3) Prepend the adjective “gay ass” before every noun.

and, of course, 4) Talk about how often you get laid.

It seems in my old age, I’ve lost a step or two against this wild youngsters, who promptly dubbed me “Molly” and happily handed my ass to me within the first hour and a half. Quickly eliminated at a table of foil-packing card-playing thugs, I had to wait on Ted to complete his own sacrificial sacking at the hands of a 12 year old with a clearly well-supplemented allowance.

It did give me a lot of time to look at some new comic books. But like the proportions that all female characters in comics apparently now have, a Saturday afternoon at the geek tournament could certainly be classified as surreal.

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  • Rob Spectre
  • 27
  • May
  • 04

Alright! A cartoon of our boy is in the lead! What a scientific chart!

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  • Rob Spectre
  • 23
  • May
  • 04

Despite a short break for some barbecue with Ted, the veggie streak has been going off without a hitch. Really, I thought I would miss the meat a lot more than I have, but falafels and spinach burritos have been generally keeping my tummy pleased.

It seems every time people ask about the whole veggie thing they have to add how much they like meat. The whole problem is not really about eating animals. Quite the contrary, I take quite a bit of personal satifaction in eating animals, cows and chickens in particular. Having had nothing but difficulty in my minute experience in handling them both, as I see it breakfast, lunch, and dinner are unique opportunities to once again assert our dominance in the war on shit machines and hand peckers.

Any creatures responsible for biological weapons like Mad Cow and SARS deserve what they receive. After all, its their fault for being the enemy made out of meat.

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  • Rob Spectre
  • 21
  • May
  • 04

Diversion in the office can be a pretty pathetic and disturbing thing and the BZ crew is little exception. Today’s fanciful event? Water bottle curls!

Driven to near madness after slaving over a hot CRT, we gathered around the water cooler and made estimates on how many repetitions we could each make on the large Culligan water bottles in a standard armcurl. Scottie, being the Jersey roughneck that he is, made a staggering seven reps only to be promptly sacked today by Derek with a big 8 pulls. I wish I could say I took the intellectual highroad and stood mockingly from my faultless ivory tower looking down my nose at the plebians and their lowly leisures…

But honestly I could only do four. And I think I pulled my shoulder doing that.

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