Archive for August, 2008

  • Rob Spectre
  • 31
  • Aug
  • 08

When is it that you grow up? Is it when you suffer the surreal fog of a sibling’s early death? Is it when you nod politely as people compliment you on a father you didn’t rightly know? When you hold someone sobbing unbearably through a long, cold night; crying uncontrollably from a heart you broke?

Is it when you buy your first box of hair dye to hide gray hairs? Or the first herbal supplement in response to a dissatisfied lovers complaint? Or the first time you lie about your age to impress an ingenue under the age limit of appropriate taste? The time you stop getting carded at the bar or seen past the velvet rope at the club? Is the time your ma stopped talking to you like a kid?

In this new world so brave, they say, the adolescents are getting older and older. With each generation we are staving off the definition of adult another four years. My grandfather became an adult when he was 19, marrying my grandmother who was only 15. My father became an adult when he dropped out of college after a tour of duty in the Navy. Will I be a grownup when I’m in my thirties? Am I a grownup now?

At cocktail parties we’ll assert it coincided with the loss of virginity or sobriety (or, in some tragic cases, both). When we graduated college or got the first “real” job. When we stopped getting refunds and started paying taxes. Or when we stopped playing CounterStrike on Saturday nights and started doing laundry instead. Such are the little mile markers we talk about on this dark highway to maturity. We like to think it is the little things we give up for the sake of a plate at the big kids table.

But, at those parties what we don’t talk about are the very real instants we stopped being kids. Adulthood is not something we ease into. Adulthood is a violent, terrible thing that robs children of their purity, exchanging it with an arbitrary cross to bear. These moments we can’t describe in conversation. We can’t bring ourselves to dishonor these moments with light words.

Because they were -- almost to the person -- the atom bombs that made us the mutant adults we now are. We don’t grow up in years. We grow up in a heart breaking beat.

What was yours?

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  • Rob Spectre
  • 30
  • Aug
  • 08

“Who the fuck is Sarah Palin?” I exclaimed, failing to remember that iPhones, while sophisticated, don’t talk.

It come over the wire after I was heading back from Hot Water Music’s epic reunion. Stinking like a dork’s gym locker with synapses swimming in a liter of Guinness, I figured McCain’s pick for the greenhorn hockey mom governor of Alaska would make more sense in the morning. It has to be the beer that kept me from recalling her from the short list of names American punditry had entered into this Republican veepstakes. But when that early dawn came I don’t think the bitchin’ oyster hangover was preventing me from figuring out the GOP play here. I think Sarah Palin was a carefully played wild card intended to engender precisely the kind of confusion that followed. I think they wanted us all to go, “What the fuck?”

They say if you don’t know the sucker at the poker table, you’ll meet him in the mirror the next morning. And that sure as shit must be how every senior sucker on the Obama campaign must feel each morning of this Labor Day campaign weekend. By the time the news made the day old discount shelf, the Obama campaign had already committed no fewer than three botched starts and wound up at the end of the flop as befuddled as they began. Was she a tactical solution to a strategic problem; a sensational pick to deflate the impact of Obama’s historic acceptance whose weakness could be exploited later? Was she a moderate nod to the disenfranchised and vocal Hillary holdouts; an effort to manufacture swing out of Dem ticket safe votes? Was she simply window dressing; an appeal to closet racist blue collars for whom “She’s hot” is more than enough excuse to not vote Barack.

Any of the conclusions could be valid. But none eliminate the lingering doubt that there is something they know that we don’t. Judging the roughshod calibration of the left side of the fence, that doubt is going to be around for a while. It’s unclear what reaction the McCain camp was intending to evoke by the election, but after a few news cycles it’s clear that “WTF” fell within their expectations. One can’t help but think Obama/Biden ‘08 is falling into a slow play.

Fairly, you and I are just as perplexed. The conversations surrounding Sarah Palin seem to be focused as much on what she isn’t as what she is. Feminists don’t vote for beauty queens, we say. No way could Palin gain traction with Hillary Democrats. She doesn’t bring anything to the ticket – not the South, not experience or not even hotshit fundraising infrastructure. Maybe this the risky swing high and inside by a guy who believes he is everything any American would want in a president save for one thing. A woman.

The selection of Sarah Palin may prove more calculated and sinister than this weekend suggests. I think this choice may be arming up for the nuclear campaign option. This may be targeting an early weakness exposed in Warren’s loaded question to Obama at his Church of Wal-mart in Califonia. A play that predicts McCain is going to make this campaign about a single issue; the kind for which being a woman lends invincible credulity.

John McCain may think he can only win the way no other national candidate has. He may think his only way to the White House is through abortion.

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  • Rob Spectre
  • 27
  • Aug
  • 08

The mass of partisans squealing with glee looked from the television to be a shambling blob of red, white and blue. They were old. (Mostly) old and (mostly) white and (mostly) living a more wealthy or connected than I’ll likely know. Moved to their feet in raucous ovation by empty words and focus tested cliche, it was hard to imagine it was a room filled with any who I would have something in common. I was watching my own party revel at our election year fun fest. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, the Democratic National Convention would serve as my favorite part of the year’s campaigning.

But this year, I couldn’t make it through Bill Clinton’s speech. This year, it felt like I was at Coney Island the weekend before they bulldozed it to the ground. This year, it felt as cool and natural as taking my mom to the homecoming dance.

Before the fortieth and blessfully final standing O for the former president had exhausted, Newsweek’s Howard Fineman already had the left’s fanboy post on the front page of MSNBC. No one in the room had even taken their seats before Fineman heralded Clinton’s address as a masterful speech that “was like watching Michael Jordan in his prime.” I suppose he would know better than me. He was five seats away.

For those of us too young or too poor to be seated in Howard Fineman’s row, we wonder if we were watching the same speech. Calling puppets those who punctuated each spoken clause with an interruptive ovation would be coarse, hyperbolic and inaccurate. But not a one of us born lately can summon the naivety required to believe their favor wasn’t carefully scripted and rehearsed. Not a one of us young can buy the chants and cheers as worth any more than the cheap cards they were printed on.

For my part any longer, I will not celebrate empty words. I will not stir from sugar free jazz. I will not settle for baloney and behave like its beef. I will not pretend to accept the performance of a hack actor pretending to accept me. I will not be a blind cheerleader for the team that doesn’t know the score.

I will not believe in change until the change is to be believed.

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  • Rob Spectre
  • 27
  • Aug
  • 08

Starting at approximately 9:45pm PDT, Dream Not Of Today’s web service from its upstream hosting provider was disrupted by a database upgrade.  Lasting a little over than an hour, users received either a “Server Internal Error” or an ugly maintenance page.

Thanks to everybody that reported the problem.  We will be working with our service provider to prevent another such incident.

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  • Rob Spectre
  • 26
  • Aug
  • 08

You have a new comment on one of your videos!

Name: vmkSAVAGEGUY
Sent: 8:59pm PDT
Comment:

the once beautiful city of San Francisco that has become, San Franfreako! should now burn to the ground ! with all it’s vermin along with it !!!

Name: vmkSAVAGEGUY
Sent: 8:59pm PDT
Comment:

it is no longer, a part of America’s Greatness, those days are over!!!

Name: vmkSAVAGEGUY
Sent: 9:01pm PDT
Comment:

these fucking VERMIN! SHOULD ALL BE TIED TO A POST, AND SHOT IN THE FACE !!! IT WOULD CUT DOWN ON ALOT OF FUTURE VERMIN BEING BORN IN THE FUTURE ! SHOOT THEM ALL !!! FUCKING LIBERALISM IS, A MENTAL DISORDER !

Name: Rob Spectre
Sent: 9:13pm PDT
Comment:

Hey dude,

Thanks for your comments on my video!

I just was wondering if something was wrong with your keyboard? There weren’t nearly enough capital letters or exclamation points.

Do you think maybe you could edit your comments to include more screaming?

Hugs and kisses,

Rob

Name: vmkSAVAGEGUY
Sent: 9:15pm PDT
Comment:

let me tell ya something right now ! VERMIN LIBERALS! YOU WILL BE DEALT WITH, I GUARANTEE IT! YOUR DAY IS COMING! :) KEEP IT UP ! :)

Name: Rob Spectre
Sent: 9:20pm PDT
Comment:

Thanks for commenting again! That was sooo much better.

Hey, I did notice there was one sentence that didn’t get the capital treatment. Forgive me for saying so, but it doesn’t seem like your heart is really in it. How will we liberals know we’re vermin if you don’t say it loudly enough? It is difficult to hear you over the din of your conservative friends waging war and wrecking our civil liberties.

Think maybe we can try it one more time with a little more gusto?

Smooch-to-the-nooch,

Rob

ps. When is our day coming? I want to get it in my Outlook early…

Name: vmkSAVAGEGUY
Sent: 9:33pm PDT
Comment:

lol, YOUR ONE PSYCHOTIC FUCK YA KNOW THAT ? LOL. JUST REMEMBER YOU FUCKING LIBERAL SCUM, OUR BOYS WHO GO AND FIGHT, IF IT WAS NOT FOR THEM, YOU WOULD ALL HAVE YOUR THROATS CUT AND YOU WOULD BE THROWN DOWN A WELL WHILE THE FILTH OF ISLAM LAUGHED AT YOU ! YOU SEE, YOU! ARE NOT AMERICA YOU FILTHY VERMIN, LIKE I SAID, YOU WILL BE DEALT WITH! YOUR TIME IS COMING! YOUR CIVIL LIBERTY’S ARE TO BE EARNED WITH RESPONSIBILITY YOU FUCK ! GO TO HELL ALL OF YA !

Name: vmkSAVAGEGUY
Sent: 9:36pm PDT
Comment:

you fucking scum are to mentally disturbed, to realize, that ISLAM IS AT WAR WITH US BECAUSE OF YOUR FILTH !!!!

Name: Daniel Austin
Sent: 9:37pm PDT
Comment:

Hmmm… which is worse? Having your throat cut and being thrown down a well by a muslim terrorist, or being tied to a post and shot in the face by a hyper-patriotic republican? That’s a tough call…

Name: Rob Spectre
Sent: 9:40pm PDT
Comment:

Oh. My. God.

Can I just get this out straight away? I am becoming a huge fan of your work. That last comment made me all squirrelly in my pants.

Seriously. You had me at “psychotic fuck.”

While I certainly don’t wish to distract you from your noble work, I’m worried you might be at the wrong video. This one is about zombies, not Muslims. I can understand how someone as intimately familiar with English punctuation like yourself could get the two confused. Believe me, I’ve been *there*.

Let me know if you think you would deliver a better comment performance at a video about Islam. We have a few of those too!

Now that you finally have me going down the right trail, I want to make sure I can soak up as much of your lavish praise as possible. How can I earn my fuck responsibilities and be just like you?

<3 <3 <3

Rob

ps. Just a side note, please don’t take it as a criticism. Maybe I’m just an outsider, but I’m getting a little confused on who is filthy. First it was liberals, then it was Islam, and not it is vermin. Can you help a brother out? Got a bottle of Purel waiting for your answer.

Name: vmkSAVAGEGUY
Sent: 9:36pm PDT
Comment:

GO FUCK YOUR MOTHER !!!

Name: Rob Spectre
Sent: 10:02pm PDT
Comment:

I’m sorry for bother you vmkSAVAGEGUY, but I’m confused again. Did you mean me or the other guy?

I don’t want to fuck the wrong mother on accident again.

Name: vmkSAVAGEGUY
Sent: 10:05pm PDT
Comment:

you fucking MORONS! WANT TO BLAME EVERYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF! FOR YOUR ILLNESS! LOL, BUT IT WON’T WORK! THE WORKING CLASS, TRADITIONAL AMERICANS WHO PAY FOR YOUR MEDS, ARE TO SMART FOR YOU! LOL. SEE YA IN NOVEMBER BITCH !!!

Name: Rob Spectre
Sent: 10:08pm PDT
Comment:

Your message to vmkSAVAGEGUY has been blocked!

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