Archive for February, 2009

  • T-Dub
  • 28
  • Feb
  • 09

My submission for what I believe is the true motive behind the porta-arsons:

  • Digg
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Reddit
  • StumbleUpon
  • Technorati
  • Rob Spectre
  • 27
  • Feb
  • 09

Heather Champ from Flickr featured our very own Daniel Austin on Flickr’s blog.  Showing a host of the best photos from last weekend’s pancake and grilled cheese manufacturing mayhem, the Danimator’s piece “A Cheesy Disagreement” gets first prize.

The dynamic Danimal has been an active member of the Flickr community for some years and this is his first feature on the social photography site’s blog.  Big ups for our boy behind the lens.

Photo: Daniel Austin

Photo: Daniel Austin

  • Digg
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Reddit
  • StumbleUpon
  • Technorati
  • Rob Spectre
  • 25
  • Feb
  • 09

I don’t care that some woman in LA had eight kids at once.

And neither should you.

  • Digg
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Reddit
  • StumbleUpon
  • Technorati
  • Rob Spectre
  • 24
  • Feb
  • 09

We have heard it all before.  The buzz words, the catch phrases, the talking points, the crude fist fucking of language into an instrument of power.  The folksy stories from home, the castigation of bureaucrats, the maverick B-list movie makeup scars from a life spent fighting for the American working family.   The carefully rehearsed hand motions, the condescending colloquial tone, and the syrupy Southern inflection.  The liberal, soulless spewing of “my friends,” “my fellow Americans,” and “wasteful spending in Washington.”  The low taxes, the small government, and the whole hoary host of shit sandwiches so thick they are already seeping through the bag in which they are delivered.

Photo: C-SPAN

Photo: C-SPAN

We have heard it all before, Bobby Jindal.  And you, your crew, your failed ideology, and your false promises got a handwritten invitation in every ballot box across the United States last November.  Signed in a fit and sealed with a spit, it gave clear direction to the Republican Party that they can all sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up until we say so.

Until we - the people whose lives you have comprehensively fucked with your greed and your incompetence – say so.

The Louisiana Governor’s reaction to Barack Obama’s (not) State of the Union was typically transparent for a party searching for its voice.  Leading off with a yarn of country wisdom and followed up with a parable of heroism in the face of a national catastrophe, the lyrics might have changed, but the tune is the same. Loaded with action words and bereft of actionable answers, verse and chorus is dedicated to a national rebranding effort for the GOP.  Jindal smoothly coos his party’s new anthem:

Republicans lost your trust – and rightly so. Tonight, on behalf of our leaders in Congress and my fellow Republican governors, I say: Our party is determined to regain your trust.

Let me clue you into something, jackhole.  “My bad” doesn’t cover what you fucktards just did.  We’re four months into this motherfucker harvest of your eight years of ass farming and no end is yet in sight.  After destroying an entire country without any justification, failing to solve Afghanistan or find Osama bin Laden, squandering the good will of a planet sympathetic to our loss in New York, and gorging the wealthy until we screech to the brink of the 21st century Great Depression, “rightly so” doesn’t sound like contrition.  A half-apology isn’t going to cut it, Bobby.

Your entire party sounds worse than shrill.  Your objection to Cabinet nominees, your opposition to the stimulus, your response to the President’s first address to Congress.  Your radio show hosts and your Sunday sound bites.  Your “Oh. My. Gods” and your “Spending. Spending. Spendings” and your “Drill, Baby, Drills.”  Your language and your posturing and your ten cent perscription Coke bottle tactics sounds like you are making politics of your own failures.

You fucks sound like this is still a game.

You don’t get it and I wonder if you ever will.  You can send in a guy we haven’t seen before with a voice we haven’t heard.  You can tell his heartwarming story and you can pump his crisis credentials.  You can even make sure he is a black skinny guy with a funny name.  If he’s selling the same bill of goods, we will send him, it, and the mewling few who remain of you motherfuckers right back to the shitneck country club from which you first hatched this jerkoff conspiracy.

In the meantime, the guy who is at the podium is the guy who has our ear.  In a month, President Obama has shoehorned out of a Congress wracked with jackassery on both aisles universal health insurance for children, greater pay equity for women, higher MPG out of the Big Three, the first significant investment in inter-city trains, a sweeping reform of medical IT, money for hundreds of charter schools, new student loan programs, immediate help to homeowners facing foreclosures, extension of unemployment insurance and much, much more.  It didn’t happen elegantly, it didn’t happen dazzlingly and it definitely didn’t happen error free.

But it happened.

So you old ostriches go ahead and send whoever it is you want to stick his head in the sand and sing the same muffled song from the tired Republican hymnal.

America is listening, for better or worse, to the guy who’s getting something done.

  • Digg
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Reddit
  • StumbleUpon
  • Technorati
  • Rob Spectre
  • 23
  • Feb
  • 09

It was a moment of genuine serendipity, a flash of brilliance as pure as the baby Jesus.  It was an occasion of real genius, the kind that only comes along a couple times in one’s lifetime.

A Girl with the Right Allocations

A Girl with the Right Allocations

As the Danimator and I were cruising through the Mission meditating on a Motorcade of Generosity, it occured to us that lyrics from the band CAKE would be perfect for Craig’s List personals.  We would use Craig’s List’s notorious m4w personals section with man composing emails of 90% Cake lyrics and woman being frequently confused.

With “Short Skirt / Long Jacket” in tow, so was Caking on Craig’s List born.

We kicked off with an a propo ad:

Me: Irish punk with a foul mouth, razor wit and poor judgment in hair styles.

You: Mind like a diamond, shoes that cut, and eyes that burn like cigarettes.
Fast, thorough, sharp as a tack.
Gets up early, stays up late.
Fingernails that shine like justice and a voice that is dark like tinted glass.

In less than 24 hours, we were inundated with responses.  Spewing like a Marin County sewage plant into San Francisco Bay, we had opened a hitherto firmly locked valve exposing ourselves to the free flow of the Internet’s putrid plumbing.  Some were boring, some were frightening, but none ever mentioned the ad was lifted straight from the popular Cake single.  Within the first day, we finally got a rider for our Comfort Eagle, leading to this epic, alt-rock exchange of misbegotten romance in the 21st century.

from	Sweet N Sexy <[email protected]>
to	[email protected]
date	Mon, Feb 23, 2009 at 10:25 AM
subject	sexy grrrl

hi
do u have a big irish cock?
uncut?

Well, that was a little forward. Time to fight that fire with fire and probe her for a little private information in return.

from    The Notorious ROB <[email protected]>
to    Sweet N Sexy <[email protected]>
date    Mon, Feb 23, 2009 at 10:57 AM
subject    Re: sexy grrrl

Do you have a car with a cup holder armrest?
Do you have a car that will get you there?

Smooth – just what every girl wants to hear.

10:57 AM (11 hours ago)
Sweet N Sexy to me

huh?

Uh oh. Need to recover, and we have three words to spare from the last email.

11:03 AM (11 hours ago)
The Notorious ROB to Sweet

I mean, yes.

Well played, Spectre. Well played.

11:26AM (11 hours ago)
Sweet N Sexy to me
yeah!
do u have a pic?
cock and or face?
age?
job?
location?
I am 29, near sacramento but in sf all the time
divorced with 2 kids (50% of the time)
scientist
115lbs
5'4"
size 2
very cute
sexy
and fun!

She seems to be singularly focused, and the remainder of her reply reeks of copy/paste. Need to hose this hot mama off with a little Verse Three.

11:33 AM (11 hours ago)
The Notorious ROB to Sweet

I’m really looking for a girl with smooth liquidations.
I want a girl with good dividends.

That we got this far was absolutely beyond my greatest expectation. But even the melodramatic application of popular song isn’t enough to keep this randy woman at bay.

11:37 AM (11 hours ago)
Sweet N Sexy to me
hmmmmmm
will multiply [sic] orgasmic do?

I had no idea the lyrics of John McCrea could be this effective.  But, sadly, a woman who can’t spell doesn’t fit the criteria of the song, so we have to break it off gently with the victim of Caking on Craig’s List.

8:33 PM (2 hours ago)
The Notorious ROB to Sweet

That part I can handle.

More looking for a girl with interrupted prosperity who uses a machete to cut through red tape.

Sorry Little Miss Yoga Teaching Scientist Divorcee with Partial Custody Making Regular Bay Area Booty Calls.

I want a girl with a short skirt and a loooooooooong jacket.

  • Digg
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Reddit
  • StumbleUpon
  • Technorati