Submitted for your consideration, a gonzo dialogue with the human-powered mobile search provider ChaCha.  Based out of Carmel, Indiana, the firm provides free search by phone or SMS to mobile users delivered by real human beings.  ChaCha just raised another $4 million in funding and I thought it was high time (d)N0t took it for a spin.

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Dream Not Of Today: Are you the muffin man?

ChaCha:No, I am not the muffin man.  I am not even a man!

(d)N0t: What are you then?

ChaCha:Right now I am the boogie man.  Boo!  What else can ChaCha answer for you this evening?

(d)N0t: JESUS LORD! THERE IS A GHOST IN THIS PHONE!

ChaCha: What are you going to do ?!?

(d)N0t: Which church in the San Francisco Bay Area offers exorcism services?

ChaCha: Archdiocese of San Francisco has performed exorcisms in the past.

(d)N0t: How long ago?

ChaCha: In 1999 “Canned Heat reached number on on the U.S. dance chart and number four on the UK Singles Chart.

(d)N0t: Are you trying to thwart my attempt to find an exorcist to get you out of my phone, demon?

ChaCha: ChaCha Crystal Ball says: Shake me again, shake me again!  The news has got to be better than this! Um, ok, it’s not likely..

(d)N0t: Okay.  My friend needs an exorcist.  Who in San Francisco is the most qualified?

ChaCha: Hey, b4 we answer, pls help us personalize ChaCha to better meet ur needs.  Just answer 4 short Qs! — Q1. What is your gender?

(d)N0t: All man, baby.

ChaCha: Q2: What type of phone do you have?

(d)N0t: Standard Federation issue tricorder.

ChaCha: Q3: What’s your ZIP?

(d)N0t: You already know where I live, demon.  You are in my phone!

ChaCha: Hey, we still need u to answer two Qs so u can continue to get ad-sponsored answers!

(d)N0t: 94105

ChaCha: Last question! Q4. What is your age? Text your birthday in month.day.year format, ex. 06.20.82

(d)N0t: 06.06.06

ChaCha: Last question! Q4. What is your age? Text your birthday in month.day.year format, ex. 06.20.82

(d)N0t: 06.06.06

ChaCha: Seriously, we’re just chillin’ till u complete our mini survey.  We’ll ans ur Q after you Txt ur birthday.

(d)N0t: 06.06.69

ChaCha: Contact St. Patrick’s Church – 756 Mission St. San Francisco, CA 94103.  They decide if an exorcism is needed.

(d)N0t: I will!  Your infernal machinations on my phone are coming to an end, demon!

ChaCha: Sometimes things get confused w/ text.  Can you please re-phrase ur question so I provide the best answer?  Thanks!

(d)N0t: Your infernal machinations on my phone are coming to an end, demon?

ChaCha: Question limits exist but vary.  We’ll txt you if you are close to running out.

(d)N0t: Then I also wish to know the best provider of holy water in this city.

ChaCha: I cannot find that information, but apparently the recipe for holy water is to just boil normal water a whole lot.

(d)N0t: Are you feeding me a line?

ChaCha: Aarrrgh! Ur temporarily out of Qs.

(d)N0t: A LIKELY STORY BOOGIE MAN!

ChaCha: According to urban legend, yes.  Why don’t you look under your bed and find out?

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