Editor’s Note: Much of this piece was composed while the author was on unprescribed muscle relaxers.

Robert Benmosche lost his dad at a young age, leaving his mother to raise him alone and dig out of the monstrous debt of his father’s hotel development.  A native New Yorker who prides himself on a reputation for toughness, he ran MetLife for eight years.  During his tenure, he turned around the struggling firm to its current juggernaut status, enjoying its most prosperous years in recent memory.  When he was selected to helm the AIG that you and I now own, many hailed it as needed fresh blood.  A tough nosed East Coast diehard ready to cut the costs and be an agent of culture change.  Many thought if any one could return the attitude of excess and the too-big-to-fail firm we saved to reality, it would be Robert Benmosche.

We thought he would slap those bastards in line.  But instead, the bastard that needs to be slapped is Robert Benmosche.  This douchebag can go fuck himself.

“Can AIG Rein In Its Brash CEO” read the Wall Street Journal headline just a day after his profile and only heartbeats after his installation as AIG CEO. In only a short time Benmosche has pissed on every twinkie in Wall Street and shat in almost every box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch in Washington.  Only seconds on the national scene helming a high profile charity case and this dickhole has already established a perception of being a loose cannon.

In reaction to the New York Attorney Generals subpoenas handed out to AIG employees following the disclosure of their ridiculous bonuses, Benmosche called Andrew Cuomo a “criminal.” Trying to rally his troops in a closed door meeting, he said Cuomo “didn’t deserve to be in government” because his litigation exposed names of some of the beneficiaries of the bonuses AIG intended to pay out with our money.  What the new AIG CEO seems to be missing is that the AG’s action followed the public outcry, not started it.  Cuomo was acting responsibly as the chief law enforcement officer of the state, rightly investigating the possibility of fraud in a situation that was clearly fucking the taxpayer for personal profit.

The man’s words are only slightly more contemptuous than his actions.  His first order of duty?  Stop the deep discount firesales of business units, opting to hold out for better prices than dumping choice meat to repay the American taxpayer.  His second order of duty?  Going on vacation to his 12-bathroom villa in Croatia to catch the summer harvest of his winery.

Get fucked asshole.

I’ve heard enough.  We don’t need a 65-year-old financial industry lifer to collect salary while clipping his stems.  We don’t need a hard-nosed strongman to pull back a venerable Wall Street institution back from the brink.  We need our fucking money back. And we need it back fast.

I don’t want the US to turn a profit on AIG’s bailout.  I don’t want our money at risk a day longer than it has to be.  And I certainly don’t want some jackshit egoist running around on your dime and mine because Uncle Sam has given him the ultimate safety net.

Robert Benmosche doesn’t have a safety net – his company is still taking a shit on the razor’s edge.  In downgrading AIG’s stock yesterday a Bernstein analyst said:

AIG’s current stock price gives virtually no weight to the possibility that the common equity is worth zero.

Another analyst from IG Markets accurately identified the source of Benmosche’s perplexing confidence:

I think it’s extremely easy to make very strong statements such as that when Uncle Sam has already made it very clear that they will do whatever it takes, for as long as it takes, to keep this company afloat.

Well, fuck that noise and fuck that guy.  Robert Benmosche has $80 billion of our money.  If Andrew Cuomo wants the names of everybody who made seven figures, Robert Benmosche better give them up.  If Barack Obama wants his checkbook balanced by a financial professional, Robert Benmosche better be pulling out his calculator.

And if Rob fucking Spectre wants to pick up the newspaper without having some jackhole sunning himself in the Mediterranean while questioning the government sending him a paycheck during his little gaycation, he shouldn’t see Robert Benmosche’s fat fucking face under the byline of every financial column this week.

Andrew Cuomo started the lynch mobs?  I’ll tell you what started the lynch mobs – the eighty billion fucking dollars you need to be figuring out how to pay back day and night, asshat.  Hate to interrupt the summer harvest, but you need to get your plump, pompous ass back state-side and get with the yardsale you need to have to pay the rent.

You’re a punk Robert Benmosche.  Go to hell.

» You can leave a comment, or trackback from your own site.