• Rob Spectre
  • 24
  • Feb
  • 08

Ralph Nader announced his candidacy this morning on MTP.

Thanks a pantload, fuckstick.

Which consumers this tardjar is advocating for with a fourth-in-a-row bid for the White House is pretty unclear. The cycle of running for president every four years for nearly a quarter century has to be getting on and, at the ripe age of 74, we can only hope this time round is his ticket to the nursing home. For reference, this guy has been campaigning for twice the average expected lifecycle of a male African lion. From a lion’s perspective, he’s committed two lifetimes to this bullshit.

Yet despite an ROI analysis akin to eating $80 million every fourth year and depositing it in portable toilets in the eleven most populous of these United States – a microshit model, if you will – Ralph persists in accomplishing little more than splitting the liberal vote. Barack Obama crystallizes the sentiment of much of the party, saying:

He thought that there was no difference between Al Gore and George Bush and, eight years later, I think people realize that Ralph did not know what he was talking about.

Anyone incapable of accurately divining the difference between Bush and Gore may not be qualified to identify his head from his cornhole let alone serve as Head of State.

Up until the 2000 election, I strongly favored Nader’s participation in American politics. The Republicans had their own vote splitters and his lot strayed largely from the Democratic parties I was attending. Less hippies, I thought, meaning while his posse was getting high and pretending to change the world through tie-dye, we could get loaded at Jefferson-Jackson dinners only minimally incurred by the terminally Grateful. It was a real convenience, as our rallies are pretty disorganized to begin with. Drop a bunch of long hairs with small minds and big ideas in the mix and getting 100 Democrats to agree on anything became a Sisyphan enterprise. We have enough single issue, single minded cats to herd, better that they have an independent or Green or whatever-the-hell to do whoever-the-fuck they want.

Then all of the sudden an unelected alcoholic gets in the White House and Nader goes from minor nuisance to wanted for capital jackassery. When the results from Florida came in with analysis of the effect his candidacy had on Miami-Dade, Nader’s 2000 candidacy became an implicit war crime. Oblivious to the irony of the choice his campaigning denied, in years since he’s rejected the label of spoiler in that race, calling the “Nader Effect” a construct of mainstream media. Not only did he contend that Gore v. Bush did not offers voters sufficient option, he to this day contends that the option he offered had no effect on the outcome. The mere suggestion is enough to wonder if he has some sort of learning disability inhibiting basic mathematics.

Ralph Nader has performed spectacular service to his country in his lifetime. Serving as a voice of dissent in a political climate that is increasingly intolerant did ultimately save lives, though perhaps not the millions that he is quick to claim. He was a whistleblower when our nation needed it and rightly commands respect for it.

But killing the Corvair isn’t a free pass to pursue an General Motors grade fuckup of our planet. His fifth time around is not delusion; he is acutely aware of the damaging effect he is having and is doing it anyway. This is not principle; this is board-certified cardinal pride. The voiceless he is claiming to speak for are only taken less seriously by his words. The liberal effort his is claiming to represent is only injured by his presence. He is doing nothing but making another Republican presidency more likely.

Irrespective of the ridiculousness of his effort, the option alone is a danger to America. When a guy like Mike Huckabee welcomes his entrance to the foray, all doubt is removed. Ralph Nader is a candidate who is unsafe at any speed.

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  • Daunch

    Ummm, yeah. The Nadster has done what (translates "WTF") for this country again? I think your second sentence is the clincher for 99.9% of those who subscribe to "rational thought", or could Nader really be a Bapti-Creationi-Scientologi-Fundamentali-st working for Diebold?

  • the other mike

    You raise many good points about the Nader candidacy, including the fact that Mr. Nader, historically speaking, has done many good things for this country. However, as you also pointed out, it is all overshadowed by his involvement in getting this country the worst president ever for the past seven-plus years. Please, Ralph, just go away!

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