The King of the Interwebs, a Series of Tubes, has been convicted on graft and corruption charges. But not to worry, he is still up for reelection. So even if the judiciary doesn’t think Uncle Ted should be free to roam the Alaskan countryside, the electorate will have their say.

In typical semantic horror, Ms. Alaska tried to make government corruption charges, you know, like the ones she might be facing, evidence of how much we need her to clean up Washington “up there”. No offense to any Alaskan readers, but dudes, I know its cold up there. Try having sex or something. Stop being all corrupt.

This piece of schadenfreude brought to you by the letter Republican. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.